Life Hurtles

I doubt I have any readers that know of what has happened in my life, but to sum it up, ever since my dad ended his life, it seems like everyone leaves.  Recently, I got a box of his things from my grandmother.  After going through almost everything in there, there was one white envelope from the funeral home left.  Curious as I am, I decided to go through it (BAD DECISION).  In this envelope, I found the information that I have been wondering if I would ever like to know : the coroners report and the first responder's report on the scene.  In this report was a full description of the crime scene, and how the deed was done.  My mom knows that I read and immediately after, asked me if I was okay.  Now, I am not one to share my feelings when it comes to that subject so I told her I was fine... Only thing is, I'm really not.  How can I ever forget the image that the description put in my head?  How.. how do you forget something like that? And how in the world do I tell someone that I'm scared to death of my fate being the same as his?  I just don't know what to do sometimes..

Learning to Love Myself

When someone tells you to "Love the skin you're in", it's easier said than done. 
In today's society, there is that "picture perfect" girl that is a size 2 or less, tall, blonde, and smart. 
That is a lot to live up to as a woman! It's no wonder that there are so many girls (and boys!) with eating disorders these days.  I myself have struggled with trying to obtain this image, and have come to notice that it may not even be possible. 
I know deep down inside that I am beautiful, but there is also that inner critic that is always telling me what is wrong with myself. 
I am slowly but surely learning to love myself for who I am. 

Turning Over a New Leaf

In light of my recent health class assignment on meditation and relaxation, I am going to start doing some things that will help me focus on myself and who I would like to become.  I've been doing a lot of thinking about the things that I've done and what has happened in my past, and I came to a realization : there's a reason why they are in my past.  I no longer need to hold onto these things that are holding me back from becoming a better me.  I am going camping with my family this weekend, which will not only give me time to bond more with them, but also focus on me, who I am, and where I'm going.  I will only be taking my phone on this trip for photography purposes, and will have no connection with anyone other than the people that are at the campsite. I am very excited about this trip and hope that I will come back more enlightened about where my life is going and will hopefully be having some positive life changes upon arriving back into society.

On another note, going to start seriously job hunting soon so I can get a car and take a much needed vacation to the beach! As long as I have a steady income and a car by next summer, I will be taking a few weeks off to head to California.